The PHONE! The CALLS! Do trolls have fingers? The Insidious, Ridiculous, Telemarketing Intruders Must DIE!

The phone rings. The number is from your area code. The number prefix is the same as yours. The Caller ID shows a person's name. You decide to answer because you think it could be a wrong number, or you are eating dinner and not paying attention or you are reading a book or simply not paying attention.

Then it begins.

"Hi. This is Emily from credit card services. There is nothing wrong with your account at this time BUT you have been selected and are eligible for this fantastic limited time offer..."! You are full of SH*T! Your name isn't Emily. You are not a real person! You are a Troll! You are a device that attempts to wheedle a sales call from unsuspecting people to be handled by someone in India who will lie to me and tell me their name is Bob when they try to get me to sign up for something I don't need as if I was a stupidly naive numbskull!

How can anyone be fooled by such an amateurish, disruptive attempt to sell something? Who could be foolish enough to finish the call and speak with someone who barely speaks your language and is sitting at a console on the other side of the world? Well, if it didn't work would they keep doing it? The answer is no. It most likely works with the elderly, the infirm and those who are clinically gullible.

The psychology is you only listen to the opening sentence regarding your credit card. People are so concerned about the companies being hacked that hold their credit card or personal information they half hear what is being said and fill in the gaps themselves. It is a heartless ploy to bilk money from those who need it most.

The phone doesn't stop ringing. I have at least 4-5 calls per day on my cell and my home phone (yes, we still keep a landline...old fashioned ain't we...still have a Princess phone in a box, just in case). It has become a full-fledged attack on myself and my family.

They call and ask for me by name! Those from overseas, not grasping the Sicilian pronunciation of my last name and therefore transpose it with my first name, I am addressed as Mr. Michael. Others bypass the name and launch into the pitch. They make a mistake when they get me on the phone. I am fighting back.

I now answer the phone, "Hallo"? The person begins their pitch..."Hallo"? My accent is hard to recognize. It could be Asian or Hispanic or just plain Idiot. They ask, "Is this Michael"? I respond, "Hallo"?
The conversation goes something like this:

Them: Mr Michael?
Me: Hallo?
Them: This is John from Home Health Equipment. How are you today?
Me: Hallo?
Them: Is this Mr. Michael?
Me: No.
Them: No?
Me: Hallo?
Them: Mr. Michael?
Me: Patha beara tinko Mario pfsitogara fungo nintendo contro malnfuncto?
Them:
CLICK

Sometimes one can hear the bullpen of telemarketers in the background pitching their bull to the world through their headsets while you are being telemarketed by a heavily accented foreigner.
Our conversation usually goes like this:

Them:
Hello Mr. Michael. My name is Bob and I am calling from Dell support services. We see your computer sent a report showing it's been compromised and needs...
Me:
First of all you are not from Dell. Second my computer is not linked to the internet and third, your name isn't Bob and, by the way, how is the weather where you are calling from in India today?
Them:
CLICK

And that was my kindest rebuke. There are other shall we say darker examples, but young folks could be reading this post so I will refrain from revealing the best of my worst, however, I have been eyeing one of those small airhorns used at sporting events. I did find some for $6 but will wait until they come down in price a little. My dream is to let fly with a blast from that horn when some caller ID bastard has interrupted a meal or a conversation or my reading a book or a TV show or any nonspecific intimate moment. It's only fair. Remember, this is war.

Why is our government so dismissive regarding being hacked by entities outside the country? Well, we KNOW why, but I am not speaking of election tampering.  We are under cyber attacks all day every day. The onslaught of invasive, pervasive phone solicitation is WORSE! I have been solicited repeatedly for credit card safety, charitable donations, health care supplements, computer virus protection, vacation getaways, timeshares, cruises, medical supplies, Canadian blue pill pricing, police/firemen/veterans funds as well as the insidious BLOOD SUCKERS from the Red Cross (I know the Red Cross fulfills a very important service and am in no way denigrating the institution, even though they pay their director millions of dollars that could go toward those they try and help, but their phone outreach is relentless if you have ever donated in the past.). It has gotten to the point I will no longer respond to any phone solicitation...even the ones that might be on the level!

Is there a way to repel wave after wave of telemarketeering jackals attacking you at any and all hours of the day and night? Not that I know of. You could change internet providers and your phone numbers and hope for the best, but the minute you start buying or browsing or joining or friending via the web you are now right back in the soup.  It is a battle royal and the good guys are losing. The powers that be are apparently getting some kind of kickback since there is no help for those of us being tortured by computers trolling for our tendencies or our age or financial brackets enabling our becoming viable targets for them to loose the hounds of telemarketing upon us. All I can say at this point is that airhorn might just be at the right price. I wonder if they still have some in stock.

Rise up people and shout, "I am mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore"!