Why Do We Make The Choices We Do? And Whose Business Is What We Choose Other Than Ours Anyway?

When do we start making choices that matter in our lives? Do we start as infants? Do we start as toddlers or does it require our becoming self-aware?  Life is about choices. Our entire existence is crafted via choices. The first was made by our parents (deciding to have us whether on purpose or accident) and are controlled until we begin to become a person. A child of 2 or 3 is taught about choices and the resulting consequences. 

That control, whether guided by religious tenets or class or ignorance can present choices with unexpected/unwanted results from those whose guidance you most caringly provide.

A few days ago I learned that the actress who plays a featured (if not crucial) role on one of my favorite European shows had decided to leave. There was no mention of a replacement nor where she was heading so (as I usually do) I opened IMDB and looked her up. Her bio shocked me into pondering how the choices we make affect our lives eventually culminating in this tome.

The young lady had had a recurring role on Game Of Thrones spanning 20 episodes! And I'm not talking third "white walker" from the left. She was a named character who interacted with the leads. Having been a fan of the HBO production and having watched every episode all I needed was a quick peek at her in her GOT costume and I recognized her.

Not resting on her laurels she was cast as the lead in two theatrical release films and won Germany's equivalent of the Oscar as Best Actress for both. When she leaves my favorite show she will have completed 14 feature-length episodes over the past seven years. Amazing! Who knew? Well...not me. 

I went to her bio section to see where she studied acting. In the characters I saw her portray, her performances were so nuanced and emotionally spot on I was sure she had studied the craft. 

Her bio said she graduated high school at 16 and entered a trade school. She completed the courses to become a civil servant and worked at city hall in her hometown. Then the final short note of her bio said she also worked as a porn actress. Though her career was short (but reportedly prolific) and years in the past it lives on via the web in perpetuity. You can't escape it (that goes for all you knuckleheaded sexters out there) nor erase it.

Unfortunately, once she became FAMOUS (2 Oscar-like wins almost back to back) the tabloids began to dig and broke the story nationally photos and all.

Her parents found out when contacted by the rabid, muckraking rags and being of  Middle Eastern background they publicly disowned and shunned their daughter. Her father said they would never live down the disgrace. Her choices resulted in her losing her family.

Her career didn't suffer. As a matter of fact, she won that second award after the scandal broke. 

Her story angered me at those who reveled in her public humiliation. But then I realized she shouldn't be humiliated by a choice she made when she was too young to see the future. She chose the path and somewhere along the line decided it was worth it. She had the guts to admit she was a sex worker when others, hoping to save face, would've denied having been a participant and paid dearly.

We make choices every day. Some are more important than others. But there is always an expected result of that action. Sometimes it doesn't go the way we planned and the result is far from expected. 

Most boneheaded choices (Unsubstantiated Sweeping Generality ALERT!) are made between the ages of 16 and 22 inclusive. Many of the choices made during that period have a result that can either send our future lives spinning out of control or set us on a path to greater things. The thing is that age range is concentrating on the NOW. They are literally bombarded with choices in relationships, finances, graduation (whether high school and/or college) and finding a job among other things. They are faced with things they have never had to deal with before, or that Mom and Dad always had handled. Mishaps from making a bad decision can result in unwanted pregnancy,  credit card debt, accepting modeling gigs for the wrong people leading all the way up to becoming human traffic. OK, that might be somewhat of an exaggeration but you see where I'm going with this.

It really isn't about the choices. It's more about the accepting the consequence and, if possible, to learn from the mistakes. Where does that parental advice come from anyway? We were faced with the same if not similar situations when we were your age. Makes sense, doesn't it? 

Ever thought about how your life would have been different if at a point in time you chose to do...something other than what you chose to do? Would you be what you aspired to be back then? Or did you have to settle due to life getting in the way? 

The future is now may be cliche but it really is. Farmers plant seed at a specific time and in a specific way with the expectation of a harvest at the turn of the season. So we should teach our young ones that what they plant today will bear fruit tomorrow. They must look forward and prepare for a world that has become increasingly difficult to navigate without preparation. It's like those video games that only come with controller instructions leaving it to you to figure out how to get from level to level in order to win.

The fine young actress (now approaching 40) has been living with choices made when she was in that aforementioned age bracket and has had a successful career in spite of it. She certainly didn't come away unscathed with the loss of her family (I believe she and her fraternal twin sister share an apartment in Hamburg these days...not sure)and has become a vocal advocate for women's rights, protection for abused women and other organizations that share her beliefs winning several awards for her activism.

We can only hope that decisions made by those dear to us will bring them good health, happiness, and love in their lives. And, even if they falter, we will be there because we will always have their backs.

*Note:

Interestingly it seems GOT cast 6 known international porn actors. They primarily appeared in most of the bacchanalian scenes requiring (you guessed it) nudity...except for the person referenced above. The production staff said they were aware of their sex film work prior to hiring.