Gum Chronicles! Bald Tires? Where does that tread rubber go? I can tell you!

 

I am a furious shopper. That doesn't mean I push the cart from aisle to aisle seething while looking to make trouble for less aggressive bargain hunters or wimpy stock-boys stacking cans of sauerkraut in tidy pyramids. Oh, do I hate them...the pyramids not the stock-boys. (Solidarity, man. Power to the working class!) They provide an opportunity for embarrassment for shoppers, furious or not.

Pick the wrong can and the whole thing cascades to the floor around your feet leaving you standing there hand suspended in midair while you attempt to look innocent. No!

I am a furious shopper in that I shop furiously looking for deals. It can wreck your food budget and stock your larder with stuff you don't need and/or can't even pronounce much less know what to do with.
On a recent trip to a specific environmentally friendly grocery with a home office in a European country that until the 1980's was split East and West, I happened upon the expected great deals for grapes, watermelon, cherries and other similar items tossing my goods in my mini cart (I love the mini cart. It's like a girdle for impulse shoppers and Lord knows I need a girdle...for shopping). As I waited in line I noticed they were selling national brand sugarless gum for 49 cents a pack. Wow that's like half price so I bought a couple of packs of peppermint. I then noticed a fruit gum with the same low-ball deal and bought a couple of those. Needless to say I was thrilled at my luck and pumped up proudly exiting the store with my mini basket full of savings. 

To celebrate I decided to unwrap the fruity, sugarless gum and chew my checkout counter steal of a deal! The sealed pack had a pleasingly rich look with embossed foil/cardboard package covered with cellophane. I peeled the wrapper off, opened the flap and there were 12 sticks of orange foil encased chewing gum goodness. I pulled two slices out of the case and to my surprise the bottom inch of the foil tore at a perforation as the gum slid out, ready to be easily extracted from the remaining wrappers leaving them intact. Wow! I was impressed by the ingenuity of the packaging as well as the visually pleasing presentation of the product. Those Germans have really got it together. The gum had to be just as awesome. I was salivating anticipating that fruity tang and Sucralose sweetness.

First impression? Confusion. I folded the pieces in my usual manner but found them to be rather unyielding requiring extraordinary effort to accomplish the task. They were wrapped airtight in cellophane so maybe it was just a fluke.

Second Impression? More confusion. Chewing was worthy of a having had a masters course in mastication! It took a concentrated effort and 98.6 degrees of body heat to get the stuff malleable enough to ease up on the grinding of straining jaw muscles.

Third impression? What in the Hell did I just buy? Was this some kind of payback for the US pulling out of the Paris Accord? Who made this gum anyway?

Discovery! Mystery solved. This gum ain't from Germany. This gum is from Turkey! Now, I have been to Turkey, Izmir in fact. I have tasted Turkish Delight and was far from delighted.
 Contrary to popular belief Turkish Delight has nothing to do with erotic massage nor dancing girls. It is a rich, sugar dusted confection made from honey and is hawked to tourists at every opportunity. It is sticky, gooey and sickeningly sweet.

But this gum! What did they use to make it?

I am convinced tire tread shaving from the entire country of Turkey are collected and processed into this chewing gum! It makes sense. Keep all the streets clean  by marketing the shavings in a more earth friendly form to unsuspecting Germans and eventually the USA! Was Turkey a part of that accord?

Ever wonder where the tread goes when your tires wear out? You probably thought it turned to gas and became another man made entity that endangers the OZONE. Nope. Friction causes the tread rubber to flake away and take up residence on the streets or highways until a breeze or passing trucks and cars cause it rise into the air and settle in your grass or on your car or your lawn furniture or a Turkish gum factory.

Did you know that chewing gum, plastic bags, hula hoops, white glue and tires share a common root? It's called gum base and contains Polyethylene. Sounds delicious already. Right?

There are lots of Polys built with gum base. There's polyvinyl  in caulking and butyl used in the tire manufacturing industry. The lusciousness of Juicy Fruit loses more than flavor if left "on the bedpost overnight" as the song says. The slogan, "Better living through chemistry" also comes to mind.

Conclusion: I will continue to chew the flavorful US brands of gum I have become attached to over the years. I will no longer be swayed by the Sirens call to dive in to low ball deals from checkout displays. And, if tempted, I will remember the tire flake gum of Turkey and immediately check the fine print to see from whence it came!

Upon further review: Michelin flavored gum might be pretty good. They do rate high end eateries with their reviews. Goodyear not so much. Pirelli might be the way to go. Italian food is soooo good!